Need a mature woman’s advice-Wife will not wear wedding ring set?
Need a mature woman’s advice-Wife will not wear wedding ring set?
My wife was married before, this is my first marriage. We have been together for 1 1/2 years. I bought her a beautiful diamond set that cost over $ 6,000.00 because I love her and want her to have a set that looks great on her finger. I have a great paying job and the price does not matter to me. What does matter to me is that she will not wear them. She wears the rings from her ex husband. Why? She says that the set that he gave her is cheap, yes they are, about $ 600.00 total. Her other reason is that she does a lot of cleaning and taking care of children and that she does not want the big beautiful diamond rings that I gave her to become damaged or scratch the children. Do you agree with her? It REALLY, REALLY bothers me because when I see her wear his rings because I only think that it will remind her of him and their past. She tells me I am being paranoid….Ladies, am I being paranoid and worrying for no reason?? I have an idea about going to buy her a very inexpensive wedding band and give it to her, that way she does not have to worry about it being damaged or scratching the children she takes care of.
She never wears the rings I gave her. When we go out to a party or dinner, or dancing, she has her ex rings on.
source: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20090415161028AA0u7z0
i agree a diamond that expensive i wouldn’t use to clean in the house but im on my second marriage there is no way i would where my ex ring i take off my ring and when i run errands i where it i just don’t use it in the house doing chore dealing with the kids etc there is something weird about using ur ex ring i sold that one
IMO she would do better to NOT wear any rings – her ex’s rings should be sold. I can understand not wearing the expensive ones with the work she does. But if its not work and you guys are going out to a party, dinner, etc. then she should wear your rings you bought her.
BTW hubby and I (2nd marriages) don’t even have rings – we plan on getting them when we find the right ones. Rings are material things and it doesn’t bother either of us not to have wedding rings.
Okay, the fact you have told her that it bothers you is reason enough for to respect your feelings and stop wearing her ex-husbands wedding set. If she doesn’t want them damaged, then get her a cheap set from YOU to wear and insist that she do so. It is wrong of her to disregard something that you obviously feel so strongly about.
My husband would be livid if I was wearing another mans wedding band, luckily we are each others first marriage.
Wearing her ex husbands ring is disturbing on many levels. Try buying her a cheaper band and maybe put the diamonds from her other ring into a necklace instead. If she still insists on wearing her ex husbands wedding band, you two have bigger problems.
I think you might be too oversensitive. It makes perfect sense to me that she wouldn’t want to wear a bridal set that extravagant on a daily basis, especially if she’s using her hands a lot. Honestly I wouldn’t wear something like that unless I had a personal body guard to accompany me. lol
I like you second idea of getting just a simple band. First explain to her how much it bothers you to see her wear her exs rings (bad juju) and present her with something simpler and less expensive. Perfect idea.
Your idea is what I was going to suggest you do in the first place, before I read the end of your question. It’s a GREAT idea and if she won’t wear that one either, you have a problem. The ex’s ring should go in the trash.
I can understand her not wanting to hurt a child with the diamond, but to where her ex’s rings…YUCK!!!
Buy her a pretty wedding band and then if she will not wear it, I would suggest some marriage counseling.
I agree with the part about not wanting to scratch the diamond or the children. I have always believed that when I get married I don’t want a solitaire or big diamond. I want a band because I think the diamond would get in the way. However I have never heard another female who felt the same way, until you mentioned your wife. I think she is being disrespectful to you by wearing another man’s ring. Before going out & getting her a band, ask her if she would wear it instead of the ring her ex gave her. I”m really sorry, most girls I talk to would love a big rock to wear on their finger. Good luck
Yes, buy her a cheap band and she will no longer have this excuse and then see what happens. I’m in my second marriage and I sold the ex-husband’s rings and she should too, unless they still mean alot to her…It is not paranoid for you to be upset she is wearing another man’s wedding rings, she is being inconsiderate of your feelings.
Umm, I am a married woman and NEVER in a million years would I even consider wearing a ring that was given to me by my ex. I’d rather not wear a ring at all. I don’t blame you one bit for being paranoid or upset. If she is so worried about scratching the kids you can bring the ring to a jeweler and have the prongs rounded off to make them smoother and as for the durability of the ring… Diamonds are one of the hardest gems. She isn’t going to damage the ring. I personally think she is hung up on the ex. Why else would any woman not want to wear the beautiful ring that her man bought for her out of love?
go out and get her the inexpensive ring. and then when you give it to her, talk to her calmly. Let her know how much it bothers you. That, that marriage is in the past and you are each others present and future.
Do that. Buy her a less expensive one she could wear on a daily basis and the nice one on special occasions like when you both are out on a nice dinner or on family/friends gatherings.
I do the same thing.
If I was you I would be upset as well. You are not paranoid, I don’t think she shouldn’t wear the ring set from her ex-husband that is just wrong. If she feels that way then she shouldn’t wear any rings at all. Maybe you should go buy her a cheap set to see if she will wear those. I would say if she does not take them off then that should tell you something. I don’t know about anyone else but my rings mean the world to me and I never take them off because when I have too I feel like I am taking a part of my husband away. So its hard to tell if she still wears them cause she has feeling for him but I could only imagine that being why she would wear them. I think if I ever got divorced and married a nice guy like you I would not want to wear my ex’s rings I would want to show off the rings you bought and that is how she should feel. I have friends that have HUGE diamonds and they have kids and they don’t get scratched. I think that she is using that as an excuse. Good luck to ya.
I’m on your wife’s side. I think she’s being stubborn about taking off the ring but if you came at me like this my gut reaction would be to keep the damn thing on too, so I can’t judge her. This is why I hate the concepts of wedding rings. Its like your trying to force the damn thing on her finger as to mark your claim or brand her. You want all markings of her previous relationship gone not because your worried that she would be reminded of the relationship- but because you don’t want to be reminded. Stop treating this as if you’ve just taken over a country and are taking down the old flags and putting up yours and treat her as a person and maybe she’ll stop being stubborn and wear the ring.
I think she is still torching it for her ex-husband, for some reason. If the excuses she gives for not wearing your rings was valid, she would be better off not wearing any rings at all. She should get rid of her ex’s rings, or put them away, just for the reason that it bothers you. Before I invested in any more rings, I’d get that woman to some counseling and find out why she is so attached to those rings.
BTW, does she wear your rings when you take her out dancing and dining, etc.?
Her answers for not wearing the rings while cleaning or taking care of the kids is a valid one, however when she goes out or is not cleaning she really should wear the rings. And I can understand you being a little upset over her wearing the rings her ex gave her, if she cant wear yours while cleaning she doesn’t need to wear any rings while cleaning. Just remember weather she wears the ring or not she is still your wife, the ring is a symbol of being married not wearing does not give you permission to cheat etc…. I don’t think you are over reacting just try to explain to her how you feel about if she doesn’t wear your ring while cleaning you would perfer not to wear any jewelry while cleaning. Good luck on this matter.
She is still attached to her ex… what woman in her right mind would want to wear the wedding rings their ex gave them… she has lots of excuses.. do not fall for them…. she is full of crap and need to be told…. if she still refuses , sell them and take yourself on a nice vacation and leave her home with her memories of her ex…
I have a feeling that if you did buy a cheaper set she would find an excuse not to wear it….She is hung up on the ex…
I completely agree with her that a $ 6000 diamond wedding set is not appropriate for everyday wear.
I completely agree with you that wearing the wedding set from her first marriage is not appropriate. Her rationale that they’re cheap is a lame excuse. When she accepted your marriage proposal she agreed to leave the past in the past. Wearing gifted jewellery from her ex husband is disrespectful of you and the marriage to you.
You aren’t being paraniod. She’s being selfish and uncaring.
I don’t wear my rings for the same reason (& also my fingers are a little fatter-lol) But the wedding band fits so when we go out somewhere I will wear the band that fits.
BUT I WOULD NEVER WEAR THE EX’s RING.. Have her put that away or make a necklace out of it.
i think u need to buy her a cheap set yourself and throw out the ex’s ring or have her put them away and when u go out yes i think she should wear the nicer set