What to do?????
What to do?????
Okay, just looking for some good advice, not criticism. My brother is engaged to a girl who has been married twice already. They are planning a huge bash next summer (250+ to the wedding and reception). They have asked me to stand up in teh wedding, but I do not agree with it and haven’t really made my decision yet. She is planning to fly to Miami to have a designer dress made and have booked a $ 25,000 reception. This is her 3rd marriage (who knows how long its going to last) and I feel like they are getting married because both of them were lonely. My brother makes good money and I feel like she is taking advantage of it. If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Its hard to stand by and watch my brother be used. I feel like he is honestly blind to all of her games.
source: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20070809093757AAS8FzJ
They are in love and they are happy. Be in the wedding and support your brother.
So she’s been divorced? Who cares? Just because she’s been divorced, doesn’t make her a monster. Anyone is entitled to commit mistakes.
Are you perfect????
Be non-judgamental and embrace the couple. Be happy for them
Good luck
Your brother is going to marry her, regardless of whether you stand up for them or not. I know it is hard to be in your shoes (my sister is involved with a guy we all HATE), but you want to keep your family relationship strong so if the marriage ends, your brother will know you’re all there for him….
I would decline the offer of being in the wedding.
To me, being in the wedding means that you SUPPORT the marriage, and you obviously have some misgivings about it.
I would concentrate on the fact that I love my brother. I would do it for his sake.
I know it’s hard to watch someone do something you’re sure is wrong, but you can’t make decisions for anyone but yourself.
However, do you want to not be a part of a day that’s really important to your brother?
Btw, being divorced doesn’t make her a bad person – do you know the story of her previous marriages?
What would I do? I’d let my brother know how I feel and do it now – before the wedding plans are set. But, I’d be prepared for my brother to tell me to go jump in a lake, too.
Tell your brother how you feel you love your brother and don’t wanna see anything happen to him tell him wat you see and why your skeptical.
my sister married a moron. he treated her like crap at the time. i hated the guy!! but, its not my life. regardless of my feelings about him, i still had to stand up because i love my sister. also, its not worth starting a family war. if you stand up or not, he’s still going to get married. its his life to live, not yours. you just have to be there for your brother.
on the up side, this moron my sister married, now 10 yrs later turned out to be a decent guy. people do change over the years. i actually dont mind the guy now, and he kisses my sisters ass and does right by his kids.
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Unfortunately, you may be correct in everything that you say, but you are in a no-win situation. If your brother loves this woman, then he is going to marry her whether or not you approve. Not participating in the wedding is not going to stop it and, in fact, will possibly make an enemy of your brother.
IF everything that you suspect about her turns out to be true, then your brother is going to need you there to be his support system when the whole thing falls apart. And the main thing he WON’T need is someone standing back with their arms folded saying, “I told you so.” He will want to find family members who stood by his side when he got married and who will still be his family if it doesn’t last.
It could also be true that this woman just had bad luck or used bad judgment twice before, but that your brother really is the right man for her. So many people get married so many times these days that no one can say that they’re all bad people. If she learned from her mistakes, then maybe this will all turn out right.
You said you were looking for advice, and mine is this: stand by your brother. It’s okay to have a talk with him during a calm and quiet moment and say, “Here’s what worries me. I only bring it up because I love you.” If he’s any kind of a man, he’ll hear you out, accept your concern, and still love you as his sibling. You’re in a tough spot, but handle it with grace and you can maintain your family relationship, no matter what this woman does. An old cliche, but true: blood is thicker than water.
Good luck!
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The wheels are already in motion on this event, so unless the woman is cheating or something equally as awful against your brother, anything negative that you have to say about her will not be regarded well by him.
Also your brother is a grown man and no one can make these types of decisions for him. Looks like you’ll have to bite the bullet on this one. Step up and be in the wedding, wish him the best and all that. We all need to learn the hard way don’t we? If the shoe were on the other foot, you would feel the same way.
you will tell him the true, you are brothers and you loves him because he’s a part of your family and you will comment that you are in disagreed with him and explain him what are the reasons.Your brother understands you the situation.
You don’t afraid, go ahead¡¡¡ face to face and you have to tell the situation
cheer up¡¡¡
Wow ok so I completely disagree. You didn’t say being married before made her a bad person, but several divorces does mean that she has not the patience or understanding for marriage, nor does it imply she’s figured out what she is doing wrong in her marriages. Perhaps its her horrible use of money that has driven her husbands to divorce.
I would sit down with your brother alone and explain to him your concerns. Be mature and calm with him but explain that you are questioning of her commitment to him and fear he may be used by her. Also perhaps get him a book on 101 questions to ask before you get married, to see if they’ve talked about the important things. See how he takes this brotherly concern.
I dont know if I would be in the wedding or not. I’d go of course–b/c after you’ve talked to him and expressed your feelings, he is a grown man and free to do whatever he wants. But I feel standing up as a groomsmen should mean you support the wedding. But perhaps having a talk with your brother will convince you he does know what he is doing and you’ll want to stand up. Perhaps you’ll see he is completely blind and will respectfully decline. Do what you feel is right and don’t base it on how others react to your choice.
I understand that it’s hard to be supportive, but your brother is a grown up, so it’s his decision. If you say something to him about it, it’s likely to only cause a rift between the two of you while doing nothing to get him away from his fiance. Your best bet is to just support your brother in all that he does, even when you disagree with him. Later, if the marriage doesnt work out, you should support him through that as well (and be sure not to say, “I told you so.”)
As far as being in the wedding or not, that’s up to you. You can either stand up in support of your brother (after all, it’s his wedding too) or you can politely decline with the excuse that you just don’t feel like you know the bride well enough to fill this important role.
I think about all you can do in this case is let your brother know you love him no matter what, and then be there for him if things fall apart the way you expect them to.
With a track record of two divorces, I don’t blame you for being concerned, but it’s your brother’s decision to make and he’s made it. Will refusing to be in the wedding party hurt his feelings? If so, I’d think long and hard before turning down the role. If you just can’t bring yourself to stand there with a smile on your face, then try to find some other thing you can do to support him.
Besides, it’s possible that you’ll turn out to be wrong. Sometimes the most unlikely couples turn out well. So do whatever you can bring yourself to do to help your brother.
And if it ends badly, never say ‘I told you so.’ Just do your best to be for him then, too. You can’t stop people from making their own mistakes.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANT TO PROTECT YOUR BROTHER FROM MONEY HUNGRY, BACK STABBING BITSHES BUT, HE IS A GROWN MAN AND CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. BYT THE SOUNDS OF IT, SHE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG TO YOU, YOUR FAMILY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, TO HIM UP TO NOW. IT’S NOT UP TO YOU TO DECIDE IF, WHEN, WHY, WHERE, AND HOW THEY GET MARRIED. THAT’S ALL UP TO THEM, WHETHER YOU AGREEW ITH IT OR NOT. AND IF IT IS A MISTAKE ON YOUR BROTHERS PART, HEOPEFULLY HE WILL LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE FORWARD WITH HIS LIFE. ANOTHER THING IS THAT, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES A PERSON GETS MARRIED, YOU CAN’T ASSUME THAT IT’S THEIR FAULT THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED SO MANY TIMES. BEING MARRIED AND DIVORCED SO MANY TIMES DOESNT ALWAYS NECESSARILY MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON. EVEN IF THEY GET MARRIED FOR THEIR FIFTH TIME, THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO CELEBRATE THEIR WEDDING HOWEVER AND HOWEVER THEY WANT TO CELEBRATE IT. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD GO TO YOUR BROTHERS SPECIAL DAY AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT. FOR ALL YOU KNOW SHE MIGHT BE A VERY GOOD PERSON AND THIS MARRIAGE WILL LAST A LIFETIME. GOOD LUCK.
I too would decline the offer, you want to keep your relationship with your brother (as many Yahooers have said) and by declining you just might be doing so. If you stand in the wedding, you might become angry with the bride’s antics and find it hard to control your views and opinions. To advoid a blow up, which can make matters worse, step out now.
If you want to keep the peace, offer to help with other parts of the wedding. Say you will help guests find their table and place cards. Although you’re putting yourself at work, you’re keeping yourself busy (which is always good to do when you’re somewhere you don’t approve of) and apprear that you’re doing something nice to your couple.
Good luck!
It’s not your “right” or “privilege” to agree/disagree with your brother’s future spouse. Nor is it any of your business what he does with his money or life… The only thing you can do is support him and his decision to marry his future bride and hope that they make each other truly happy.. Besides, if she’s used to giving/getting walking papers then it would happen hopefully sooner than later… Right? So, be in the wedding and be a good brother and put your feelings aside in this matter… Good luck
let him learn from his own mistakes because no matter what you do he is still going to marry her
You know you should be happy for your brother weather or not you agree or disagree with the wedding. What if it was you that was getting married and your brother didn’t agree with the girl you were marrying. It’s not fun having y our family not support you. Believe me I know from experiance. I have been with my husband 10yrs.and his family still does not accept me. Just at least try and give her a chance. Everyone deserves at least one chance in life. Who knows they could really be in love, and she could be a great person. Just put your self in his shoes and imagine how you would feel. Give them both a chance. Be happy for them. Who knows it may work out.
Tiffany
You can’t change how your brother feels or what he is going to do. So, try to be the best sister you can be and support him. If he wants you up there, then stand up there. Try not to think about your feeling about what is going on. Try to think about your brother.
I would sit down and have an honest conversation with your brother. If you feel so strongly about this marriage (and for good reasons, not just because you don’t like her) I think it’s important that your brother knows. If she has exhibited behaviour that you think is very questionable, tell him.
My fiance didn’t support his father in his second wedding. He saw things in his dad’s fiance that were unattractive and dishonest that his dad didn’t see because he was so blinded by his feelings for her. My fiance expressed his objection many times to his father, but he never listened. He later wrote him a letter, telling him that he didn’t support their marriage, he didn’t believe in their relationship and that he wasn’t going to their wedding. My fiance’s instincts were right about her and they were divorcing a year later. His dad was very financially fortunate too (at the time) and she would spend ridiculous amounts of money on very stupid things, like $ 500 for a single curtain tassle.
The only thing you can do is forewarn him. Go to him with an open heart and an open mind. If he can’t see what you’re talking about, then you have a lot of thinking to do. You can go and support them, or you can not. If you choose to not support them though, be sure that it’s for the right reasons. I would never want you to regret it for the rest of your life if they do end up happliy ever after.
Good luck!
I honestly don’t know how you can refuse to stand up in a wedding (particularly a close family member’s) and not create deeply hurt feelings. It sounds like you care very much for your brother. Don’t jeopardize that closeness by making a statement about his wedding. Graciously accept their offer to be a part of a day that’s very important to them (regardless of how it might turn out down the road). Celebrate his current happiness, and if you turn out to be right, be there for him if it falls apart later, but don’t help start his marriage off on the wrong foot by hurting his feelings so badly you might not be able to fix it (especially if the marriage does turn out to work).
When my older brother got married 25 years ago, most of the family (OK, everyone but me) was sure it wouldn’t last and it was a bad idea. My younger brother tried to talk my older brother out of it and thought about refusing to be best man, but finally realized that all he was doing was pushing our older brother away. He stood up as best man, while most of the rest of the family held their breath waiting for it to fail. 25 years later they have the strongest marriage of anyone I know–through good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and I believe until death do they part. You don’t know what’s going to happen in your borther’s marriage. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
I know you love your brother but this is his decision. Let him make his own choices.
If you truly don’t support this marriage, then don’t stand up for them. The reason for attendants is to have people who support the couple and the marriage.
First of all you truly don’t know how he feels about this girl, and if he says that he loves her then he must. I realize that you want to protect him from her, but this is not your job and could only cause animosity between the three of you. I would suggest that you stand in the wedding for your brother, and be there for him. If this marriage doesn’t last then you will be able to be there to help him pick of the pieces.